Taking Steps To Improve Your Marriage

Ok so I know that I haven’t blogged in a while but I have a good one today 🙂

"Esposas de Matrimonio" ("Weddi...

   Have you been thinking lately that your marriage is lacking something?

   Or it has become so routine that it seems you and your spouse have a plan/list/time setup for everything including sex and it has just not become fun anymore?

   Have you been praying for something different to come along or some change that might spark it up but nothing has come about?

 

Lets consider something today shall we? What if God what YOU to step out and do something instead of sitting and waiting for something to happen?

Don’t get me wrong here, praying is a top priority but are you listening when you are praying?? Are you stopping to hear what God is telling you to do or are you toning Him out because it is something that is out of your comfort zone or other excuses?

God didn’t make men visual creatures just because He was being funny… There is a reason… And we as women have to be mindful of that. His Word gives us the guidelines to live by, but for the most part many things we question in our relationship is what is great for one marriage might not work for another…. Meaning if I buy a very risque nighty for my hubby thats ok for us but you and your spouse my not want to do that and thats OK!

 

The point I am trying to make here is that if you and your spouse have decent communication you should have an idea of what he or she likes and dislikes. When it comes to “out of the box” thinking just make sure that whatever you do it isn’t making them feel demeaned or ashamed and honors them….. If you aren’t sure about something, talk to them and pray about it. Sometimes me and my husband when we have something planned but don’t want to let the cat out of the bag so to speak, we ask general questions to see how they feel about it. 

What attracted us to our spouses in the first place?? Learning about them, exploring their thoughts, finding out things about them… The whole newness and mysteriousness, trekking out to discover everything about them. When you’ve been together for 20,30,50, 70 years you have to find new things to keep other guessing sometimes. It doesn’t have to be every night or even once a month.

Take time to really listen to what God is saying to you. Read His Word and get the guidelines that He says not to cross, He will tell you. Let Him be your guide in your relationship and marriage. And HAVE FUN! There will always be awkward times where something may not have come out as envisioned so laugh about it and don’t take it too seriously. Don’t be too hard on yourself or your spouse, marriage is a learning journey enjoy the ride!  I have also learned not to focus on my physical flaws so much (it can be a total turn off to mention them all the time) and starting to focus on the things I do like. Of course I am working on improving my health to be better for God and my husband.

Have fun and have a blessed day, in Jesus Name!!

Christina, Three Passions

 

 

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Is There Really “Christian” Lingerie?

So I was recently contacted by a BIG news agency since they were concocting a story on christian erotica. Yea I know, one of those oxymoron’s.  I do not want to mention who it it until I know for sure they are actually going to use us in any way, ok I will give you a hint, it starts with A….

Anyways here is the question that keeps coming up… What makes the lingerie Christian? Here’s the answer…  It doesn’t! Lingerie can’t be any more Christian than a frog can be a cow. It just doesn’t. Its the purpose behind it… The people behind it. The morals and values and beliefs of the people who are offering their goods. Does it line up with Gods Word and honor each other in your marriage? If something doesn’t feel right don’t do it. For example, a schoolgirl outfit. Some of you out there are thinking that it makes it seem like your spouse wants a teenage girl if you dress up in something like that. Others are thinking that as long as you and your spouse are ok with it and enjoy it visually and sexually it makes your sex life stronger. Well here’s a question… Is it just the name of it, the style or just the thought of the whole thing? I would honestly like to hear some of you chime in on this one and let me know your thoughts.

As far as me and my husband go a plaid skirt that barely goes past my butt cheeks and a shirt that barely covers my breasts is an absolute turn on for him not because of what it signifies but because it is barely covering anything but leaving just enough out of the picture to wait and imagine. Hey what about a secretary outfit or a scantily clad pirate girl….

Here is my analogy on it. Nothing is for everyone no matter what it is. Even God says it in His Word… 1 Corinthians 6:12   Amplified version 12 Everything is permissible (allowable and lawful) for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things). Everything is lawful for me, but I will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power. The thing is to not be ruled by your desires and be overcome by them the same way a druggie or an alcoholic would be. A connection with the Lord is is how you know. We have done lots of praying when we started our business. If we didn’t have that we would be like everyone else out there without a real reason why we we do what we do.  We do what we do because its right and we want to please the Lord. And it pleases the Lord when we are honoring, serving, and pleasing our spouse in the bedroom as much as outside the bedroom. He created the hunger for us to be excited for each other and we need to stand on that as long as it stays between the husband, wife, and God.

Let me know if you guys have any questions and comments about this post, would love to hear your chimes!

Sexy Marriages and Godly lives!

Christina

threepassionslingerie.com

Whats Ok I Our Marriage? Day 6: Fetishes, Adult Nursing, Bondage/Spanking/BDSM, Watersports/Scat, and Erotic Asphyxiation

Love is patient, love is kind, love is everlasting

Love is patient, love is kind, love is everlasting

So here is our last article in the series. As we finish this series we hope that it has helped in some way to inform you of things that are or aren’t ok in YOUR marriage. Remember MOST things are pretty much open in your marriage as long as you honor each other and respect each other with what they themselves are ok with. Just be sure to pray about it with each other and by yourselves. God made sex as a gift and He wants us to enjoy each others sexuality and love each other for who we are in Him. And don’t forget to HAVE FUN!  😉

So here we go!

Fetishes

An individual with a fetish either can’t have sex, or can’t enjoy sex, without engaging in the fetish or fantasizing about it. Common fetishes are items like leather or high heels, activities like spanking, a man dressing up as a woman, or an inordinate fascination with body parts like feet or certain sized breasts. It’s often hard to draw a clear line, since a preference is not a fetish until it becomes required for normal sexual function. For example, some people have an oral sex fetish, but most who enjoy oral sex do not have a fetish and can have sex without it.

Many folks say “It’s harmless, just go along.” However, the Bible tells us not to be controlled by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12), and we feel a fetish violates this scriptural principle. Fetishes are far more common in men than in women, and most fetishes seem to be a result of something that happened fairly early in life or early in a person’s sexual awareness. Fetishes can be dealt with through therapy, but only if the person wants to change. (The AACC has some people trained to help with this.)

Adult Nursing

Adult nursing means the husband nurses the wife. While this would include a man “sampling” breast milk while his wife is nursing a baby, having an “adult nursing relationship” means much more than this. Serious adult nursers continue long after the children have stopped nursing, maybe even after they have grown and left home. Others come to adult nursing after the woman has stopped nursing children, working very diligently to “re-lactate” so the woman has milk for the husband.

Those who have this kind of relationship say it is a real blessing to them, and their marriage. Most freely admit it is at least partly a sexual thing, but many say it is far more than just sexual. Having done some searching we cannot find any evidence that there are health reasons to avoid adult nursing, nor can we find a biblical principle that would preclude it. For some it may be a fetish, but for some it is not. As long as both husband and wife understand the dedication it takes to keep the milk flowing, and both are fine with that, we cannot see a reason to say adult nursing is wrong. That said, we wonder if it is not usually an attempt to fix something broken in the relationship, or provide something missing. There are probably other, easier, ways to deal with broken or missing things!

Bondage, Spanking and BDSM

BDSM means bondage, discipline (or domination), sadomasochism (or slave-master or submission). This is a wide category with unclear boundaries; at “low levels”, playing at these things is fine provided both husband and wife enjoy them. However, all these things can be, or can become, fetishes, and then are wrong for that reason (see above in Fetish). BDSM is openly sexual, and is different from so-called “Domestic Discipline” To read more on this subject click on the link.

  • Bondage: Tying a partner up can be very arousing for both of the one tied and the one who not tied. It can show a sense of trust, and can allow the bound person to feel free to do nothing and just receive. If bondage is mutually enjoyed and not extreme, we see no reason not to make it a part of a couple’s sex life. Some people practice bondage in a way that causes pain, making it a form of S&M.
  • Spanking: There are valid biological reasons why mild pain can be arousing. Spanking, scratching and biting all fit into this category. We can find no scriptural or scientific reason to avoid this so long as both partners agree to it. However, if the pain is more than mild, this moves into S&M.
  • S&M: A sadist is sexually aroused by causing pain; a masochist is sexually aroused by receiving pain. Aside from the fact that this is virtually always a fetish, we do not see either behavior to be compatible with who God has called us to be. Desires for S&M may be a result of sexual or physical abuse in the past, or may reveal problems with self-image or self-confidence.
  • Dominance and Discipline: Sexual arousal from dominating or punishing another, or from being dominated or punished. This involves humiliation and degradation, and again we do not see it as compatible with who God calls us to be.

Watersports and Scat

Using urination (as opposed to female ejaculation) and defecation as a part of sex.

  • Scat: Because feces is bacterially unclean, defecation as a part of sex is unwise for medical reasons.
  • Water sports: Urine is normally sterile, so there are no medical issues. On the other hand, there is no good evidence that urine has inherently biological reasons for being sexual or sexually simulating, so it’s likely that this is usually, if not always, a fetish. In addition, most people would see this as degrading to the person being urinated on.

Erotic Asphyxiation

This is restricting oxygen flow to the brain by choking, otherwise compressing the carotid arteries, or limiting oxygen intake. Reduced oxygen and a build up of carbon dioxide in the brain results in euphoria, and this can make sex and especially orgasm more powerful.

The massive downside is that this can also cause death. A person who has reached the point of oxygen deprivation that gives the “thrill” has also passed the point of being able to judge when they need to stop. Even if the event is being controlled by the spouse, there is no way to know where damage can occur. Additionally, underlying medical conditions mean that what would be “safe” for one person could be deadly for another.

It seems very clear to us that it is not loving to risk death to give your spouse a sexual thrill. So we believe that this should not be practiced.

Conclusion

Surely we have not covered everything in these articles, but hopefully we have given you a framework for discussing things and a way of determining whether something will build or harm your marriage. Talk and pray together to find what is right for your marriage.

Here are some other resources to consider:

The vagina absorbs things from semen that benefit women

Intercourse benefits blood pressure levels more than other sex acts

Prolactin levels suggest intercourse is more satisfying

Vaginal exposure to semen may reduce chance of breast cancer

More frequent intercourse, but not other sex acts, leads to great satisfaction with sex, life, relationship and mental health

We hope this will help you in your marriage as much as it has helped ours to understand that sometimes God gives us things that we need to choose for ourselves if it will benefit us or not help us. That is the joy and freedom we have in Him.

Thank you to Paul & Lori Byerly from The Marriage Bed for offering such extensive help and research in these subjects.

Tim and Christina Smith
Three Passions Lingerie and Gifts

Whats Ok In Our Marriage? #5 Public Nudity, Public Sex, Role-play, and Photos/Videos

Marriage is a commitment. Love is not a feeling it is a choice.

I am so sorry I have not been on for the next issues. It has been a BUSY week and a half.

So we have gone through several issues that some we may inherently know are wrong and others that just aren’t so black and white. Today is Public nudity, public sex, Role-play, and using photos and video cameras. I myself have thought that public nudity in like the nudist places was more “to each his own but I wouldn’t do it”. But diving a little deeper into the subject you start to learn more about it. And also what God says on the matter. Same thing with the other subjects we are discussing today. These can be simple subjects for some for they already know what is not ok in their relationship, others these may be hard issues as they may be involved in one or another  or just pure judgement. I ask that you stay open and willing to listen and learn. With that lets carry on!

Next up on our list,

Public nudity

There are those who call themselves “Christian nudists.” While this seems obviously wrong to many, there are those who ask “why?” so we will try to address that question.

Some suggest they are just returning to the way Adam and Eve were before the fall. The problem with this theory is that we are still a fallen people – redeemed yes, but not yet perfected. We are still subject to the same temptations and lusts, and how can we justify doing something which could be used by another for sin? If we should avoid eating meat in the presence of those who lack such faith, how much more should we avoid being nude? Even if “I” can see others naked and not lust, how can “I” know that everyone else is also able to do that? I can’t, so public nudity is risking being an offense or stumbling block to others.

Some nudists claim that Jewish fishermen worked naked. Their basis for this is the words “stripped down for work” found in the Bible. In reality, these words mean that the outer clothing was removed, while the inner clothing, which still fully covered the body, was left in place. (Besides, no sane man would fish naked – think about it!) This and other twisting of Scriptures are used to try and biblically support nudism, but these are just attempts to make the Bible say what they have already decided to do.

Nudists will also say “it’s not about sex.” But we see that both the Bible and biology say otherwise:

Scripture: When God give us a list, in Leviticus, of people we are not to have sex with (incest), He does not say “don’t have sex.” Instead, He tells us not to “uncover” or “discover” their nakedness. Given how explicit God is in other parts of the Bible, we cannot dismiss this as a euphemism designed to avoid talking plainly. God limited nakedness because He knew that nudity is inherently sexual, and fallen people often lack the self-control to avoid falling into lust, and following that lust into sex acts.

Science has shown that certain parts of the body are inherently sexual. Not because of our culture, but because of the biology God gave us. Pheromones (we call them airborne hormones) can have a major effect on others: they are what cause women who live together to “cycle” together, and they cause a man to have a slight rise and fall in his sex drive that follows his wife’s cycle. There are certain parts of the body that emit large amounts of these sexual pheromones: the underarms, the genitals, the aureoles of men and women, and the navel of women are the “biggies.” When these parts of the body are covered with clothes, the clothes capture most of the pheromones; when we are naked, the quantity of pheromones reaching others rises significantly. Therefore, being nude means you are sending a lot stronger sexual signals to those around you.

Public Sex

Obviously it’s wrong to have sex where others can see you – but what about where others might see you? This ranges from sex in the car in a public place to manually stimulating each other in a movie theater to making out on a beach to sex in your own back yard.

Those who do this say the thrill of getting caught makes the sex great. Others are turned on by doing something sexual around others who are unaware of what is happening. The first seems clearly wrong to us – if you “get caught” you have exposed your sexuality in a way that is wrong. The second is more difficult as it depends on how truly unaware others are, and how unlikely it is you will be discovered or suspected. If you are wrapped in a blanket on a secluded part of a beach, you’re sitting up, and you are caressing sexually, you won’t look suspicious if someone walks by. On the other hand, if you do something in a movie theater, it’s very likely that someone will see, hear or smell something that will make them suspect you are doing something sexual. The first seems acceptable, the second does not.

It seems to us that those who are after the thrill won’t be able to find a way that is safe enough to prevent suspicion while still providing the thrill. On the other hand, if you have always felt it would be great to have sex on the beach, or under the stars, or while watching a thunderstorm, because of the awesome backdrop, then you can probably find way to do it without any risk of exposing yourselves or offending others.

Role Playing and Fantasy

This is another area which is difficult because it covers a very wide array of things. There is certainly a difference between fantasizing you and your spouse are making love on the beach of a deserted island, and imagining having an adulterous affair.

Since God cares about our thoughts, not just our actions, there must be a line in this that we should not cross, but where is that line? A safe way to approach this is to say it’s wrong to fantasize or act out anything it would be wrong to actually do. This means you must always play yourselves, not a real movie star or someone you know. It also means you must be married in the fantasy.

However, we do not think this means you must limit yourself to things you might actually be able to do. If you want to pretend it’s several hundred years ago and you are a ship captain and a damsel saved from pirates, go for it (you got married at the nearest port). Or maybe you are husband and wife on a spaceship, exploring the bounds of the universe and the bounds of weightless sex. This is especially fun sometimes to really change things up every now and then.

Private photos and videos

Note we are discussing the private use of cameras or video cams. Since there is no prohibition of seeing each other naked, there would seem to be no prohibition of seeing pictures of each other naked. However, there are issues to consider. While there are places which will develop such pictures, this means letting others see them – see public nudity above. Video cameras, Polaroid cameras, and digital cameras on the other hand allow you to take and view pictures without anyone else seeing them. Then the issue is making sure the pictures stay private. If you have anyone in your house that is able to turn a doorknob, you need to secure your pictures to keep them private. Lock up pictures and video tapes, and encrypt digital photos on your computer, or transfer them to a CD that you can lock up.

“Sexting” – sending sexual pictures by phone, would fall into the same category, and would need to follow the same restrictions. If your phone is not password protected, are any sexual images of you and your spouse somehow protected or hidden should someone find your phone?

Whats Ok In Our Marriage? #4 “Dirty” Words, Sexually Explicit Material, and Masturbation

So today we are talking about “dirty” words, sexually explicit material, and masturbation. One of the things in marriage is we always need to change it up sometimes. The items that we are going over today are commonly looked over and thought of as sinful at the core. Gods word does not say that these certain things are sinful. When these become sinful is when they are hurtful, dishonoring the other person, adding other people into the play, or doing them out of selfish reasons. Me and my husband incorporate many things into our bedroom experience. Gods word says, “ 12I am allowed to do all things, but not everything is good for me to do! Even if I am free to do all things, I will not do them if I think it would be hard for me to stop when I know I should.”   1 Corinthians 6:12 So many things we encounter these days in out marriage are things that we need communicate to each other about.  So I hope this information comes to you well and that this answers some questions about these issues.

 

 

“Dirty” Words
Can we use slang terms to refer to sex organs and acts? What about words that have both a sexual and profane meaning? The Bible certainly warns us about the words we use, but is that warning about the word, or the meaning of the word? Many words that we use in everyday communication have alternative meanings that are rude, gross, or profane. If some group starts using the word “baptize” to refer to an orgy in a pool, must we abandon that word because someone has given it a meaning we do not like?

It seems to us that it is the meaning of our words that is important, not the sound the words make and what others may mean by the same sound. Because those around us cannot know what we mean when we use a word, we must be careful not to offend; but in our marriage, we can discuss various words and know what they mean to us. If a couple agrees that a word is simply a reference to a part of the body or a sex act, and if neither person finds the word offensive, then we see no harm in the words, no matter what they are.

Some will ask, “why not just use the ‘proper words’”? Unfortunately, the proper words we have to communicate about sex tend to be cold and clinical. Trying to express the emotion and desire of sex with these words is difficult to impossible. Do phrases like, “Please initiate coitus immediately” or “My sexual climax is imminent,” communicate the thoughts and feelings as well as a more “colorful” phrase would?

Ultimately, this is a very personal issue, and one which each couple must work out for their marriage. Please don’t use terms that make either of you feel uncomfortable.

 

 

Sexually explicit material

We have used this term instead of erotica or pornography, because sexually explicit material covers a broad spectrum of material. Some want to reject anything which has any hint of sexuality in it, but in the original Hebrew the Song of Songs is extremely erotic, and very explicit. A truly accurate translation of the Song would be so sexual you could not broadcast it over the radio in the United States!

This makes the issue much less clear than we would like it to be. Any attempt to define a “line” for sexually explicit material could cause some to walk into sin, by encouraging them to do what they do not have the ability to do without sin. A line could also be a source of condemnation for some who are not in sin. Check here for a more complete discussion of the dangers of pornography from The Marriage Bed. In this article we will limit ourselves to giving some parameters each couple should apply when deciding what is and is not acceptable for them as a couple.

  • The Bible tells us not to do anything that will offend the “weaker brother” (Romans 14:1-23). If your spouse thinks it’s a sin to eat meat, then you are not to eat it in their presence, even though you know it’s not a sin. Surely, we need to apply this same thinking to any sexual materials we may read or view. If it troubles your spouse even a little bit, that is enough of a reason to not own the material in question – even if it’s a Christian book with nothing more than sketches, or this web site!
  • Everything a couple includes in their sex life should build them up, and direct them towards each other. Sexually explicit material can easily cause unrealistic or impossible expectations, cause doubt about how we look, or make us feel inadequate. Obviously, these things are destructive, and any material that causes such feelings needs to be excluded.
  • God is concerned with our hearts, not just our actions. If what we read or view causes us to desire or fantasize about sinful sexual activities, then we have sinned in our hearts.
  • Finally, we are told that there are things which are not sinful, but are also not profitable. We must decide if there is any good to come from something, and weigh that against any bad that could come from it.

Please understand that we are not trying to provide cover here for those who wish to make porn a part of their marriage: we are not. Sexually explicit material is a major cause of sexual problems in marriages, and “better safe than sorry” would be a wise course of action if there is any doubt. On the other hand, we do not want to encourage legalism, or suggest that one couple’s “liberty be determined by someone else’s conscience?” (1 Corinthians 10:29) Seek God on this, and He will guide you. If you have any doubt, don’t do it, “for whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” (Romans 14:23)

 

 

Masturbation

It is our belief that masturbation is not inherently wrong, but there do seem to be some very valid concerns about masturbation by married folks. We are commanded to meet our spouse’s sexual needs, and any masturbation which limits our ability to do this is wrong. Additionally, if we feel a need to masturbate, that may well be a sign our spouse is not meeting our needs. However, what if one person has a much stronger sex drive? It seems to us that this does not “relieve” the less-interested person of responsibility for meeting their spouse’s sexual needs. If masturbation is needed more than occasionally, it may well be a sign of a problem. It is especially a concern if a person’s spouse is unaware of masturbation, or is unaware of how frequent masturbation occurs.

What if one spouse in unable to have sex because of sickness or physical limitations? In this situation, masturbation seems a reasonable option, but we would suggest it is best done in the presence of the spouse. This significantly reduces the chances of wrong thoughts, and allows the partner to be a part of the activity by holding the one masturbating, offering some form of stimulation, or describing what they could be doing if they were both able to have sex.

A different issue is mutual masturbation: a couple watching each other masturbate. Most men, and many women, find this very arousing, and it can be informative as well. As a frequent alternative to more interactive sex, mutual masturbation could be a problem, but we know of no biblical or medical reasons why it would be wrong or unwise to do this from time to time.

Blessings today as you go through these issues and we hope that questions have been somewhat answered on these subjects. If you want more info on any of these subjects then just leave a comment or email us at feedback@threepassionslingerie.com

Christina

Three Passions

 

Next up:  #5 Public Nudity, Public Sex, Role-play, and Photos/Videos

 

Thank you to The Marriage Bed for these insightful subjects.

 

Items worth looking into

Whats Ok In Our Marriage? Day 3: Anal Intercourse and Stimulation, Sex Toys and Phone Sex

Three Passions Lingerie Blog

So in our next blog of this series we are talking about more personal things like anal intercourse, stimulation, sex toys, and phone sex. If any of these are a sensitive subject to any of you I just ask that you do not pass judgement on anyone else who do not feel the same way. We are here to give knowledge and hope to shed light on subjects that we all seem to not want to talk too much about but are always questioning about in our minds.

These subjects are not mentioned in the Bible so that is the reason that we are covering these subjects a few at a time to allow time to sink in and ponder on and even dive into the Word yourself. We welcome comments but will not approve comments that we deem are inappropriate, mean, or judgmental.

Anal “Intercourse”

Anal intercourse involves inserting the penis into the anus. Many believe that the Bible speaks against this, but it does not. Homosexual anal sex is forbidden, but then so is homosexual manual sex or even homosexual kissing – thus we cannot use homosexuality as a way of proving that anal sex is wrong.

On the other hand, there are some very real, and potentially very harmful, medical considerations concerning this activity. First, the anus is not “clean” from a bacterial standpoint, and anything which comes into contact with the anus can spread disease or infections.

Another problem is that the anus is not designed for “two-way traffic,” nor is it designed to be stretched open as far and for as long as anal sex causes. Those who practice anal sex repeat the mantra of “go slow and use lots of lubricant;” unfortunately, this is not always enough. We have had discussions with a couple of women who suffered permanent problems from anal sex even though they followed “the mantra.” While such damage may be very rare, it can be very serious, and may even require surgery. Possible damage includes rectal prolapse, anal fissures, and aggravation of hemorrhoids.

The issue of anal sex is difficult to study because it is a primary sex act of homosexual men, and as such saying anything against it can be seen as attacking homosexuality. Additionally, most of the research done on anal sex has been done on homosexuals, and focuses on disease transmission. Given that the average male anus is larger than the average female anus, we would think that rates of damage amount women would be higher than among men.

Therefore, while the Bible does not prohibit anal intercourse, there are medical considerations that make it a gamble. We feel that if you are going to pursue this to see if it is right for your marriage I suggest reading some articles from Christian Nymphos.  For more on this also see an article by the Penners.

Always remember communication is your best bet in your marriage. When this is talked about keep an open mind with your spouse and stay away from judgements. If one person isn’t wanting to include this play into their lovemaking then honor them by not being forceful or by inducing guilt on them. Every now and then talk about it and see if their minds have changed because that happens alot. Let them discover for themselves if it is something that they want to pursue or not. Always keep them in mind.

Anal stimulation

Aside from anal intercourse, the anus can be stimulated with an inanimate object, fingers, and (sorry about this) the mouth. Unless the object used is large, this kind of stimulation is unlikely to cause physical damage. Oral stimulation is clearly a problem, and all other forms of stimulation do pose a cleanliness problem. This form of stimulation is far less dangerous than anal intercourse, but it is not without risks.

Sex Toys

Sex toys cover a broad spectrum of items that are designed to enhance physical pleasure. Because of the variety of items, it’s hard to discuss them as a group. Note: we could include things like lingerie and flavored lubricants in this category and the same considerations apply. We see no scriptural prohibition on toys, nor any way in which toys violate any scriptural guidelines. In general, this is something each couple has to decide for themselves, but we will offer a few things to consider.

Some items may not be safe to use. For example, there are devices known as penis rings which are placed around the base of the penis to improve or maintain an erection. Most of these rings are safe, but a fixed ring that has no release could be very dangerous if it’s too small. It’s also noted by most manufacturers that the rings should not be used for more than 30 minutes at a time. Vacuum devices (used on the penis, the vulva, the clitoris or the breasts/nipples) and anything used to restrain a person also pose potential problems if they are not properly designed and used.

Some items designed to resemble parts of the male or female body are actually “modeled” after a real person, usually an actor or actress from pornographic movies. While it’s not clear that this is a sin to use such a product, most Christians are opposed to it for obvious reasons. If an item is not advertised as being modeled after someone, it’s just a generic sculpture.

If a sex toy is used, it should be as an enhancement, not the center of attention. If it brings the couple closer, and results in one or both of them enjoying sex more, that is good. If it results in either person feeling badly or uncomfortable, that is not good.

The biggest obstacle to sex toys for most Christians may be finding a way to buy them without being exposed to objectionable products and pornography. In Europe, some items are available in respectable shops, but in America many items can only be found in specialized stores that are not “Christian friendly”. Some lingerie shops may have small assortments of toys, but in general, the best choices are mail order and web shopping.

*We are not aware of a mail order company we could feel good about recommending. Additionally, many mail order companies sell their mailing lists, so ordering from a company that sells sexually oriented items could result in you receiving mail for other companies which sell things you don’t even want to know exist!*

Here at Three Passions Lingerie we do NOT sell or give your information to ANYONE!
For more on sex toys, see the Sex Toys article from The Marriage Bed.

Phone Sex

Phone sex is sharing sexual thoughts and fantasies on the phone, and it is often done while masturbating. As long as this is done privately with one’s spouse, we see no reason why it would be wrong, and if a couple must be separated phone sex can be a good way to deal with sexual tensions while remaining somewhat sexually connected. Just be sure you are not being listened in on by co-workers or children on an extension phone!

Thank you to The Marriage Bed for this very informative subjects.

Be sure to check our other articles in this series:

What’s Ok In Our Marriage?

What’s Ok In Our Marriage? Day 2: Manual Sex, Oral Sex, and Menstruation Sex.

Blessings!!

Christina

Three Passions

What’s ok in our marriage?

Here is a post that I blogged about a few months ago but since we are redoing this series I wanted to let everyone know that we are all different and I think it is a good series for us to all get to know. We hope that this series will help you all in your quest for better marriages. If you decide to comment they will be previewed before approved and I just ask that all comments to not be judgemental to one another. And to truly love each other for our differences.
Blessings!
Christina
Three Passions

Three Passions Lingerie Blog

I had forgotten to repost this to start the series. So here is the first Day then follow this post up with Day 2 to read the first three things that we are going over in the series. I do ask that if you comment on any of these articles in this series that you keep an open mind and do not ridicule others for the things that they feel differently on. We aren’t here to judge but to learn.

 

Many relationships suffer because most people are either afraid of doing things that may be wrong sexually or are afraid to communicate it to their spouse for fear of being ridiculed or shunned by them.

As you notice the main word in both these statements id FEAR. First things first, lets get one thing straight, FEAR is not of God. It is something that will keep you in bondage…

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Whats Ok In Our Marriage? Day 2: Manual Sex, Oral Sex, Menstruation Sex

So as in the last post we mentioned a list of things we will be going over to address things that we may not know is ok or not in our marriages. Today we are going to address the first three that we have on the list, Manual Sex, oral sex, and sex during a menstrual period. As we work down the list there will be days when even though it may sound vulgar but these will be issues that need to be addressed.We hope that in this first set that some questions will be answered or at least help you on your search to find the answers. Also please be advised that there may also include some discussions that some of you may not agree to or like so I caution you to proceed if you are easily offended.

Remember communication is your best bet. Talk with your spouse and be open to their ideas also. God wants us to enjoy our sex lives with each other. Why else would He make it so enjoyable. We all want that connection with our spouse and the way to do that is to be open and communicate what you like, what you don’t like, as well as getting the past behind you. When you talk about things that have hurt you to your spouse things will start to flow eventually. The trick is to always talk about your feelings and yourself instead of criticizing your partner by saying, “You always do this”, or “you never…”. Don’t get stuck in the you, you, you. Keep it to “I feel like I am not listened to.” or ” I feel liked I am not loved when…” And when it comes your time to listen? You truly listen. Repeat what they said exactly, don’t change their words to what you think they are saying, so that feel that you heard what they said. Doing these two things can drastically change the relationship.

Manual Sex

Manual sex is using the hands to sexually stimulate your spouse’s genitals. It can be done as foreplay, or as a way of causing orgasm. Manual sex does not violate any of the principles we have given, and there are even strong hints of it in the Song of Songs. We can see no reason not to use our hands to arouse each other before intercourse or to have an orgasm before, after, or instead of intercourse.

Manual sex can be a good way to deal with seriously mismatched sex drives. While some people think of manual sex as a “juvenile” act of limited pleasure, it’s possible to become very skilled at giving a great deal of pleasure with your hands. Also there are multiple positions that you could also test out to give you or your spouse greater stimulation and/or orgasms during lovemaking. We encourage you to get skilled for your spouse.

Oral Sex

Oral sex is using the mouth to sexually stimulate your spouse’s genitals. Oral can be done as foreplay, or to bring about orgasm. As with manual sex, there are no hints of prohibition in the Bible, and many scholars of the Song of Songs are convinced that several passages describe oral sex being performed on both the man and the woman. (Song of Songs 2:3, the woman performing oral sex on the man, and Song of Songs 4:16 and possibly 8:2 for the man doing it to the woman).

One common concern is cleanliness. In reality the genitals of a healthy man or woman are actually “cleaner” than our mouths. The taste or odor of the genitals may put some off, but often this is more of a mental response than a physical one. In fact, many are aroused by the smell of their partner’s clean genitals.

Some folks have a strong aversion to the idea of oral sex. Often this is the result of some teaching that is less than accurate, or a negative feeling about the genitals or sex in general. Pressuring such a person for oral sex will only result in arguments and hard feelings. On the other hand, there are those who think they are missing one of the best things sex has to offer if they don’t experience oral sex. This is probably due to the influence, directly or indirectly, of pornography. While oral sex can be very enjoyable, it is not the end-all of sexual acts, and there are other ways of producing similar pleasure. Couples who are at odds over oral sex need to give each other some room, and they should each privately examine their feelings about oral sex.

One word of caution medically – blowing into the vagina can be dangerous, particularly if the woman is pregnant.

Sex During Menstruation

The Old Testament law had many rules about “body fluids,” including not having sex during menstruation. Because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, we are no longer under the Law, and we do not have to avoid eating pork, avoid clothes made of two materials, or avoid marital relations during menstruation. Some suggest abstaining from sex during menstruation is a part of the Law we are supposed to still keep, but these same people ignore all the other restrictions given for a menstruating woman; among other things menstruating women were not allowed to cook or share a bed with their husband. There is no biblically valid way to separate the Old Testament instructions regarding menstruation into two categories, so we must either follow all of them or be free from all of them. To go deeper into this, we have a great general teaching on the Law of Moses by Bro. Buddy Martin.

From a medical standpoint, sex during menstruation is not a problem for most couples. There is an increased risk with regard to sexually transmitted diseases, but this should not be a concern for married Christian couples. Apart from such diseases, the menstrual flow is not contaminated or dangerous, and intercourse poses no danger to her or her husband.

In fact, sex during menstruation seems to be beneficial to a woman’s health. Orgasm releases natural painkillers into the blood stream, and the contractions associated with orgasm can help reduce cramping. Additionally, a study done at Yale suggests that regularly having an orgasm during menstruation may reduce the incidence of endometriosis. The current hypothesis is that the uterine contractions of orgasm helps to expel fluid from the uterus, reducing the chances of fluid going the wrong way up the Fallopian tubes and into the body. Additionally, some women find that sex during menstruation speeds up the flow afterwards, shortening the length of their period.

On the downside, there is some evidence that shows a weak link between orgasm during menstruation and very heavy bleeding in the last few years before menopause. However, heavier periods at this time of life are common, and what is not known is if orgasm causes an actual increase in total fluid for the cycle, or if it just causes the fluid to be released more heavily for a shorter period of time. If a woman approaching menopause is having a problem with heavy periods, abstaining from orgasm during her period might help and might not – but it would certainly be worth trying.

Tomorrow we will be going over Anal sex, Anal stimulation, Sex toys, and Phone sex. When all of these articles are finished we will be linking to them directly so these will be easier to find or you can be able to go to the article that you are most interested on.

So we hope this article has helped with some questions in these areas. If you need more questions answered we would certainly do our best to answer them. Email us with any questions you may have.

See you tomorrow!!

Christina

Three Passions

Thank you to The Marriage Bed for so much information for us and others!

What’s ok in our marriage?

I had forgotten to repost this to start the series. So here is the first Day then follow this post up with Day 2 to read the first three things that we are going over in the series. I do ask that if you comment on any of these articles in this series that you keep an open mind and do not ridicule others for the things that they feel differently on. We aren’t here to judge but to learn.

 

Many relationships suffer because most people are either afraid of doing things that may be wrong sexually or are afraid to communicate it to their spouse for fear of being ridiculed or shunned by them.

As you notice the main word in both these statements id FEAR. First things first, lets get one thing straight, FEAR is not of God. It is something that will keep you in bondage and from growing in your relationships, (with God, family, friends, spouse) if it is not dealt with. So before I go any further PLEASE pray about the fear that you have and release it to the Lord and start anew. Now that we have that out of the way lets get started.

When me and my husband weren’t saved there was many things that we had done that would shame the Christian. We were into pornography, considering a threesome, and MUCH comparison with the people that was in the porn. And then when we came to the Lord we truly repented of our sin against Him and then started creating our new life. It was almost an instant transformation in our marriage. But that isn’t to say that there was a new set of problems. We really became obsessed with making sure in every way we were leading a moral life and to us at that time we had really thought very shortsightedly that only certain kinds of lingerie were acceptable, certain positions during sex were acceptable, certain gestures were acceptable, and so on and so on. Eventually our relationship started to suffer because we were so worried about things not being ok that we were no longer having fun and our sex life was nil to none. It really was a growing experience in our marriage. We figured if it wasn’t in the Bible we weren’t gonna do it. But there is a reason why certain things are not in the Bible is because that thing which you may be contemplating in your relationship may just require a mutual consent between you and your spouse. Meaning communication is key! Here is what we learned about what the Bible DOES say:

  • We are to abstain from immoral sex. The Bible tells us the following are sin:
            1. Galatians 5:19, 1 Corinthians 7:2 & 36Fornication/unmarried sex
            2. Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:27:   Adultery
            3. Leviticus 18:22 , Romans 1:26-27:   Homosexuality
            4. Leviticus 18:23 & 20:15-16:   Bestiality
            5. Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17, Proverbs 23:27, 1 Corinthians 6:15-16:   Prostitution
            6. Leviticus 18:6:   Incest
  • We are to only have sex in marriage;  one man and one woman. (Matthew 19:4-5, 1 Timothy 3:2 & 12)
  • We are expected to lovingly meet the legitimate sexual needs and wants of our spouse (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

All these above are all direct biblical commands.

In addition there are requirements set out for us as believers (which we also apply to our roles as husbands and wives), which add the following restrictions:

  • Love for our spouse, and respect for the bodies and minds God created, this requires us to avoid anything which can cause problems: (Ephesians 5:29 & 33, 1 Corinthians 6:19)
      • physically
      • medically
      • emotionally
      • mentally
      • spiritually
      • relationally
  • We should never push or force our spouse to compromise what they believe. (Romans 14:1 & 14 & 23)
  • We should not be controlled by anything. Even God does not control you.(1 Corinthians 6:12 & 10:23)

Anything that doesn’t violate these principles are ok. It’s said that it’s important that our sexual activities benefit our sense of intimacy and oneness as a couple. It’s also important for a couple to have regular intercourse, if they are able to. Science has shown that all sex is not alike, and intercourse has effects on our bodies, minds, and emotions (and we believe our spirits) that no other sex act can match and affects all of us differently. But there are also those who say it’s a sin for a man to ejaculate anywhere other than a woman’s vagina. We find nothing in the Bible which says this, and nothing which seems to even hint this is the case. The only place in the Bible the even says anything on this case is Genesis 38:8-10 which Onan was clearly told to give his brother an heir but since Onan knew that the heir wouldn’t be his own he spilled his seed on the ground and the Lord was displeased because that was between Onan, Judah, and the Lord and nothing is ever spoken about ejaculation being a sin therefore, we see no reason to limit sex or climax to intercourse. However, a couple who avoids intercourse frequently is cheating themselves out of something God intended them to have because God says that sex is a gift.

To help us understand the variety of sex acts possible, and the fact that each couple will engage in a different subset of these sex acts, we like the analogy of a playground; the marriage bed playground. There is a fence around the playground – a fence that separates a couple from sex acts that are dangerous, sinful, or otherwise unacceptable. Inside the fence are a great number of pieces of playground equipment (sex acts) that a couple may enjoy if they so desire. What each couple enjoys varies just as preferences in playground equipment vary. If he gets dizzy and sick on things that spin, the merry-go-round is not a good choice. If she is uncomfortable with heights, that very tall slide is a bad idea. If they both enjoy him pushing her in the swing, but neither is big on her pushing him, that’s just fine. Start with a few things and over time test out others. If something is not enjoyable to either of you, leave it. However, do come back around to things you didn’t like the first time – our tastes change, and some things we didn’t enjoy early on may be a lot more fun years later.

But where is the fence? What is inside the fence, and what is outside? Let’s consider some specific bedroom activities and apply the principles above. Please keep in mind that we are not recommending any of these activities, we are only trying to give couples a framework for deciding which sexual activities will build their marriage, and which may damage it. How you feel about these things will be influenced by personal preferences, past experience, and your understanding of the Word.

Today lets first list the different types of situations and examples that we all have heard of or know of from personal experiences. Then over the next few days I will go in depth on each of these.

Here are the topics we will go into more in depth on as the days pass.

1.  Manual Sex:

Which in our opinion includes many types of positions, for instance: Man on top, woman on top, and “doggie” style or woman on her knees while man enters from behind. Manual sex is pretty much meant that only the two of you are using your own hands and bodies as stimulation with no outside or oral stimulation.

2.  Oral Sex:  

Sexually arousing or stimulating your spouse with the mouth.

3.  Sex During Menstruation:

Having sex while a woman is menstruating or on her period.

4.  Anal Intercourse:

Sex where the penis is inserted into the anus.

5.  Anal Stimulation:

The anus is stimulated with an inanimate object, fingers, and (sorry about this) the mouth.

6.  Sex Toys:

Where a broad spectrum of items that are designed to enhance physical pleasure.

7.  Phone Sex:

Sharing sexual thoughts and fantasies on the phone, and it is often done while masturbating.

8.  “Dirty” Words:

Words you would not otherwise use outside the bedroom to describe organs, body, or the person.

9.  Sexually explicit material:

Sexually explicit material covers a broad spectrum of material not just pornography or erotica. So this topic might be helpful for those that have this question.

10.  Masturbation:

Self pleasuring.

11.  Public Nudity:

While this seems obviously wrong to many, there are those who ask “why?” so we will try to address that question.

12.  Public Sex:

Obviously it’s wrong to have sex where others can see you – but what about where others might see you? We will cover some questions on this issue.

13.  Role Play and Fantasy Play:

This is another area which is difficult because it covers a very wide array of things. There is certainly a difference between fantasizing you and your spouse are making love on the beach of a deserted island, and imagining having an adulterous affair. We hope that this topic will help relieve some questions about dress-up, role-playing, and fantasizing.

14.  Using Photos and Video Cameras:

We are discussing the private use of cameras or video cams. Since there is no prohibition of seeing each other naked, there would seem to be no prohibition of seeing pictures of each other naked. However, there are issues to consider. We will go over this issue more on a later date.

15.  Fetishes:

An individual with a fetish either can’t have sex, or can’t enjoy sex, without engaging in the fetish or fantasizing about it. More on this topic later.

16.  Adult Nursing:

Adult nursing means the husband nurses the wife.

17.  Bondage, Spanking and BDSM:

BDSM means bondage, discipline (or domination), sadomasochism (or slave-master or submission). This is a wide category with unclear boundaries; at “low levels”, playing at these things is fine provided both husband and wife enjoy them. However, all these things can be, or can become, fetishes, and then are wrong for that reason (see above in Fetish). Questions will be answered on this subject.

18.  Watersports and Scat:

Using urination (as opposed to female ejaculation) and defecation as a part of sex.

19.  Erotic Asphyxiation:


Restricting oxygen flow to the brain by choking, otherwise compressing the carotid arteries, or limiting oxygen intake. Yes this happens alot and we wanted it addressed.

So today I hope that we have started to resurface some of the issues that commonly come up when we get married and are always questioning whats ok and not ok. Be sure to check back tomorrow to read the first of our series of whats ok in our marriage in the world view versus Gods view.

Blessings!

Tim and Christina
Three Passions