Responding to the Music Thats Faded

Here’s a quick funny quote for you, made me laugh hope it will you too…. Laughter is healing!

“Heat makes things expand, so I don’t have a weight problem, I’m just HOT!”

Had to share! God Bless!!

Christina – Three Passions

Marriage Day

Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)

God has called husbands and wives to serve as unique vessels of His love for the other.

Josh’s work ethic impressed Nancy. A trait she very much admired

about him was his ability to focus and complete tasks with excellence.

While she still admired this aspect of Josh, she began to feel like he

really never focused on their relationship. It seemed to her that he

approached his time with her and the kids as another task to perform,

rather than an experience to enjoy. She longed for deeper connection to

him – to feel a part of his life.

Nancy had that social, spontaneous spirit about her that Josh loved.

She never met a stranger, and everyone seemed to feel at ease around

her. Nancy loved conversation, and Josh felt completely at ease sharing

his feelings with her. Through the years, however, Josh began to feel

that Nancy wanted more of him than he could give. As he sensed her

frustration with him, Josh became increasingly frustrated with Nancy in

this regard. Every previous attempt to address this tension left them

both feeling more disconnected.

Listening for the Music

All couples, like Josh and Nancy, have certain issues that threaten

intimacy. And, often our attempts to address them end up hurting each

other, rather than healing the relationship. From the biblical material

alluded to in the previous articles, here are some suggestions to help

ease relational tension and nurture deeper intimacy:

  • God is the Source of Authentic Love. Though inmarriage we pledge to love one another through the fluctuations of life,

    selfishness is our natural tendency. We tend to pull into ourselves and

    stand in critical judgment of others, especially our spouse. Attempting

    to find true love – a love that never fails – within our human selves

    is futile.

    However, God has called husbands and wives to serve as unique vessels of His

    love for the other. Once we begin to realize that it is God’s infinite,

    authentic love poured through us into the other, an amazing shift

    occurs. As we receive God’s love poured into our hearts, then that love – a love that never fails – overflows into others around us, especially our spouse.

  • Embrace Differences. The differences betweenhusband and wife are intended by God to bring unique blessings into the

    other’s life. The first step in reducing tension brought on by our

    peculiar personality traits, then, is to accept them as a gift from God.

    By first expressing genuine appreciation for the other’s uniqueness, we

    can then speak to the issues brought on by them.

  • Personality Strengths Can Become Weaknesses. Whentensions arise within marriage, each spouse tends to blame the other.

    They point out the shortcomings of the other and rarely consider their

    own contributions to the problems. However, since we live in a broken

    world, our own sense of self is equally broken. Our strengths can morph

    into weaknesses.

    The ability to focus and complete tasks with

    excellence, for example, can lead one to become myopic, seeing people as

    a means to an end rather than as human beings with whom to relate.

    Likewise, the social ability to interact freely with others, without

    proper balance, can create a sense of superficiality in relationships,

    or the seeking of life, meaning and purpose from others – something

    humans ultimately cannot provide. The first place to start while

    addressing relational issues is ourself, not the other.

  • Commit Time to the Relationship. We live in afrenetic world. Increased technology, rather than providing more free

    time, actually encroaches on opportunity to “disengage.” Cell phones,

    blackberries and laptops all lure us away from meaningful time with one

    another. Additionally, our culture tends to place value on people who

    are “busy.” Particularly in our technologically-saturated and

    performance-based culture, we must create space for our relationships.

    Time

    spent genuinely to connect to our spouse actually pays dividends even

    at work as it can reduce relational stress. Regularly schedule time for a

    walk, a meal together or time simply to talk without distractions. Time

    spent together in meaningful conversation helps bridge gaps in our

    relationships.

  • Enjoy the Dance. Re-imagine marriage with arelational, rather than an institutional, metaphor. Take the “dance,”

    for example. Before any dance occurs, tasks must be performed. Lights

    must be hung, wires must be run, and instruments must be tuned.

    These

    tasks, roles and responsibilities are not an end in themselves; they

    serve a larger purpose. The reason behind these crucial tasks is to

    enjoy the dance. All roles and responsibilities in marriage are

    essential. But, they are not the end in themselves. Their purpose is to

    facilitate an intimate connection between husband and wife, to enjoy the

    sacred dance of marriage.

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