Whats Ok In Our Marriage? #5 Public Nudity, Public Sex, Role-play, and Photos/Videos

Marriage is a commitment. Love is not a feeling it is a choice.

I am so sorry I have not been on for the next issues. It has been a BUSY week and a half.

So we have gone through several issues that some we may inherently know are wrong and others that just aren’t so black and white. Today is Public nudity, public sex, Role-play, and using photos and video cameras. I myself have thought that public nudity in like the nudist places was more “to each his own but I wouldn’t do it”. But diving a little deeper into the subject you start to learn more about it. And also what God says on the matter. Same thing with the other subjects we are discussing today. These can be simple subjects for some for they already know what is not ok in their relationship, others these may be hard issues as they may be involved in one or another  or just pure judgement. I ask that you stay open and willing to listen and learn. With that lets carry on!

Next up on our list,

Public nudity

There are those who call themselves “Christian nudists.” While this seems obviously wrong to many, there are those who ask “why?” so we will try to address that question.

Some suggest they are just returning to the way Adam and Eve were before the fall. The problem with this theory is that we are still a fallen people – redeemed yes, but not yet perfected. We are still subject to the same temptations and lusts, and how can we justify doing something which could be used by another for sin? If we should avoid eating meat in the presence of those who lack such faith, how much more should we avoid being nude? Even if “I” can see others naked and not lust, how can “I” know that everyone else is also able to do that? I can’t, so public nudity is risking being an offense or stumbling block to others.

Some nudists claim that Jewish fishermen worked naked. Their basis for this is the words “stripped down for work” found in the Bible. In reality, these words mean that the outer clothing was removed, while the inner clothing, which still fully covered the body, was left in place. (Besides, no sane man would fish naked – think about it!) This and other twisting of Scriptures are used to try and biblically support nudism, but these are just attempts to make the Bible say what they have already decided to do.

Nudists will also say “it’s not about sex.” But we see that both the Bible and biology say otherwise:

Scripture: When God give us a list, in Leviticus, of people we are not to have sex with (incest), He does not say “don’t have sex.” Instead, He tells us not to “uncover” or “discover” their nakedness. Given how explicit God is in other parts of the Bible, we cannot dismiss this as a euphemism designed to avoid talking plainly. God limited nakedness because He knew that nudity is inherently sexual, and fallen people often lack the self-control to avoid falling into lust, and following that lust into sex acts.

Science has shown that certain parts of the body are inherently sexual. Not because of our culture, but because of the biology God gave us. Pheromones (we call them airborne hormones) can have a major effect on others: they are what cause women who live together to “cycle” together, and they cause a man to have a slight rise and fall in his sex drive that follows his wife’s cycle. There are certain parts of the body that emit large amounts of these sexual pheromones: the underarms, the genitals, the aureoles of men and women, and the navel of women are the “biggies.” When these parts of the body are covered with clothes, the clothes capture most of the pheromones; when we are naked, the quantity of pheromones reaching others rises significantly. Therefore, being nude means you are sending a lot stronger sexual signals to those around you.

Public Sex

Obviously it’s wrong to have sex where others can see you – but what about where others might see you? This ranges from sex in the car in a public place to manually stimulating each other in a movie theater to making out on a beach to sex in your own back yard.

Those who do this say the thrill of getting caught makes the sex great. Others are turned on by doing something sexual around others who are unaware of what is happening. The first seems clearly wrong to us – if you “get caught” you have exposed your sexuality in a way that is wrong. The second is more difficult as it depends on how truly unaware others are, and how unlikely it is you will be discovered or suspected. If you are wrapped in a blanket on a secluded part of a beach, you’re sitting up, and you are caressing sexually, you won’t look suspicious if someone walks by. On the other hand, if you do something in a movie theater, it’s very likely that someone will see, hear or smell something that will make them suspect you are doing something sexual. The first seems acceptable, the second does not.

It seems to us that those who are after the thrill won’t be able to find a way that is safe enough to prevent suspicion while still providing the thrill. On the other hand, if you have always felt it would be great to have sex on the beach, or under the stars, or while watching a thunderstorm, because of the awesome backdrop, then you can probably find way to do it without any risk of exposing yourselves or offending others.

Role Playing and Fantasy

This is another area which is difficult because it covers a very wide array of things. There is certainly a difference between fantasizing you and your spouse are making love on the beach of a deserted island, and imagining having an adulterous affair.

Since God cares about our thoughts, not just our actions, there must be a line in this that we should not cross, but where is that line? A safe way to approach this is to say it’s wrong to fantasize or act out anything it would be wrong to actually do. This means you must always play yourselves, not a real movie star or someone you know. It also means you must be married in the fantasy.

However, we do not think this means you must limit yourself to things you might actually be able to do. If you want to pretend it’s several hundred years ago and you are a ship captain and a damsel saved from pirates, go for it (you got married at the nearest port). Or maybe you are husband and wife on a spaceship, exploring the bounds of the universe and the bounds of weightless sex. This is especially fun sometimes to really change things up every now and then.

Private photos and videos

Note we are discussing the private use of cameras or video cams. Since there is no prohibition of seeing each other naked, there would seem to be no prohibition of seeing pictures of each other naked. However, there are issues to consider. While there are places which will develop such pictures, this means letting others see them – see public nudity above. Video cameras, Polaroid cameras, and digital cameras on the other hand allow you to take and view pictures without anyone else seeing them. Then the issue is making sure the pictures stay private. If you have anyone in your house that is able to turn a doorknob, you need to secure your pictures to keep them private. Lock up pictures and video tapes, and encrypt digital photos on your computer, or transfer them to a CD that you can lock up.

“Sexting” – sending sexual pictures by phone, would fall into the same category, and would need to follow the same restrictions. If your phone is not password protected, are any sexual images of you and your spouse somehow protected or hidden should someone find your phone?

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