Whats Ok In Our Marriage? Day 3: Anal Intercourse and Stimulation, Sex Toys and Phone Sex

Three Passions Lingerie Blog

So in our next blog of this series we are talking about more personal things like anal intercourse, stimulation, sex toys, and phone sex. If any of these are a sensitive subject to any of you I just ask that you do not pass judgement on anyone else who do not feel the same way. We are here to give knowledge and hope to shed light on subjects that we all seem to not want to talk too much about but are always questioning about in our minds.

These subjects are not mentioned in the Bible so that is the reason that we are covering these subjects a few at a time to allow time to sink in and ponder on and even dive into the Word yourself. We welcome comments but will not approve comments that we deem are inappropriate, mean, or judgmental.

Anal “Intercourse”

Anal intercourse involves inserting the penis into the anus. Many believe that the Bible speaks against this, but it does not. Homosexual anal sex is forbidden, but then so is homosexual manual sex or even homosexual kissing – thus we cannot use homosexuality as a way of proving that anal sex is wrong.

On the other hand, there are some very real, and potentially very harmful, medical considerations concerning this activity. First, the anus is not “clean” from a bacterial standpoint, and anything which comes into contact with the anus can spread disease or infections.

Another problem is that the anus is not designed for “two-way traffic,” nor is it designed to be stretched open as far and for as long as anal sex causes. Those who practice anal sex repeat the mantra of “go slow and use lots of lubricant;” unfortunately, this is not always enough. We have had discussions with a couple of women who suffered permanent problems from anal sex even though they followed “the mantra.” While such damage may be very rare, it can be very serious, and may even require surgery. Possible damage includes rectal prolapse, anal fissures, and aggravation of hemorrhoids.

The issue of anal sex is difficult to study because it is a primary sex act of homosexual men, and as such saying anything against it can be seen as attacking homosexuality. Additionally, most of the research done on anal sex has been done on homosexuals, and focuses on disease transmission. Given that the average male anus is larger than the average female anus, we would think that rates of damage amount women would be higher than among men.

Therefore, while the Bible does not prohibit anal intercourse, there are medical considerations that make it a gamble. We feel that if you are going to pursue this to see if it is right for your marriage I suggest reading some articles from Christian Nymphos.  For more on this also see an article by the Penners.

Always remember communication is your best bet in your marriage. When this is talked about keep an open mind with your spouse and stay away from judgements. If one person isn’t wanting to include this play into their lovemaking then honor them by not being forceful or by inducing guilt on them. Every now and then talk about it and see if their minds have changed because that happens alot. Let them discover for themselves if it is something that they want to pursue or not. Always keep them in mind.

Anal stimulation

Aside from anal intercourse, the anus can be stimulated with an inanimate object, fingers, and (sorry about this) the mouth. Unless the object used is large, this kind of stimulation is unlikely to cause physical damage. Oral stimulation is clearly a problem, and all other forms of stimulation do pose a cleanliness problem. This form of stimulation is far less dangerous than anal intercourse, but it is not without risks.

Sex Toys

Sex toys cover a broad spectrum of items that are designed to enhance physical pleasure. Because of the variety of items, it’s hard to discuss them as a group. Note: we could include things like lingerie and flavored lubricants in this category and the same considerations apply. We see no scriptural prohibition on toys, nor any way in which toys violate any scriptural guidelines. In general, this is something each couple has to decide for themselves, but we will offer a few things to consider.

Some items may not be safe to use. For example, there are devices known as penis rings which are placed around the base of the penis to improve or maintain an erection. Most of these rings are safe, but a fixed ring that has no release could be very dangerous if it’s too small. It’s also noted by most manufacturers that the rings should not be used for more than 30 minutes at a time. Vacuum devices (used on the penis, the vulva, the clitoris or the breasts/nipples) and anything used to restrain a person also pose potential problems if they are not properly designed and used.

Some items designed to resemble parts of the male or female body are actually “modeled” after a real person, usually an actor or actress from pornographic movies. While it’s not clear that this is a sin to use such a product, most Christians are opposed to it for obvious reasons. If an item is not advertised as being modeled after someone, it’s just a generic sculpture.

If a sex toy is used, it should be as an enhancement, not the center of attention. If it brings the couple closer, and results in one or both of them enjoying sex more, that is good. If it results in either person feeling badly or uncomfortable, that is not good.

The biggest obstacle to sex toys for most Christians may be finding a way to buy them without being exposed to objectionable products and pornography. In Europe, some items are available in respectable shops, but in America many items can only be found in specialized stores that are not “Christian friendly”. Some lingerie shops may have small assortments of toys, but in general, the best choices are mail order and web shopping.

*We are not aware of a mail order company we could feel good about recommending. Additionally, many mail order companies sell their mailing lists, so ordering from a company that sells sexually oriented items could result in you receiving mail for other companies which sell things you don’t even want to know exist!*

Here at Three Passions Lingerie we do NOT sell or give your information to ANYONE!
For more on sex toys, see the Sex Toys article from The Marriage Bed.

Phone Sex

Phone sex is sharing sexual thoughts and fantasies on the phone, and it is often done while masturbating. As long as this is done privately with one’s spouse, we see no reason why it would be wrong, and if a couple must be separated phone sex can be a good way to deal with sexual tensions while remaining somewhat sexually connected. Just be sure you are not being listened in on by co-workers or children on an extension phone!

Thank you to The Marriage Bed for this very informative subjects.

Be sure to check our other articles in this series:

What’s Ok In Our Marriage?

What’s Ok In Our Marriage? Day 2: Manual Sex, Oral Sex, and Menstruation Sex.



Three Passions