Whats Ok In Our Marriage? Day 3: Anal Intercourse and Stimulation, Sex Toys and Phone Sex

So in our next blog of this series we are talking about more personal things like anal intercourse, stimulation, sex toys, and phone sex. If any of these are a sensitive subject to any of you I just ask that you do not pass judgement on anyone else who do not feel the same way. We are here to give knowledge and hope to shed light on subjects that we all seem to not want to talk too much about but are always questioning about in our minds.

These subjects are not mentioned in the Bible so that is the reason that we are covering these subjects a few at a time to allow time to sink in and ponder on and even dive into the Word yourself. We welcome comments but will not approve comments that we deem are inappropriate, mean, or judgmental.

Anal “Intercourse”

Anal intercourse involves inserting the penis into the anus. Many believe that the Bible speaks against this, but it does not. Homosexual anal sex is forbidden, but then so is homosexual manual sex or even homosexual kissing – thus we cannot use homosexuality as a way of proving that anal sex is wrong.

On the other hand, there are some very real, and potentially very harmful, medical considerations concerning this activity. First, the anus is not “clean” from a bacterial standpoint, and anything which comes into contact with the anus can spread disease or infections.

Another problem is that the anus is not designed for “two-way traffic,” nor is it designed to be stretched open as far and for as long as anal sex causes. Those who practice anal sex repeat the mantra of “go slow and use lots of lubricant;” unfortunately, this is not always enough. We have had discussions with a couple of women who suffered permanent problems from anal sex even though they followed “the mantra.” While such damage may be very rare, it can be very serious, and may even require surgery. Possible damage includes rectal prolapse, anal fissures, and aggravation of hemorrhoids.

The issue of anal sex is difficult to study because it is a primary sex act of homosexual men, and as such saying anything against it can be seen as attacking homosexuality. Additionally, most of the research done on anal sex has been done on homosexuals, and focuses on disease transmission. Given that the average male anus is larger than the average female anus, we would think that rates of damage amount women would be higher than among men.

Therefore, while the Bible does not prohibit anal intercourse, there are medical considerations that make it a gamble. We feel that if you are going to pursue this to see if it is right for your marriage I suggest reading some articles from Christian Nymphos.  For more on this also see an article by the Penners.

Always remember communication is your best bet in your marriage. When this is talked about keep an open mind with your spouse and stay away from judgements. If one person isn’t wanting to include this play into their lovemaking then honor them by not being forceful or by inducing guilt on them. Every now and then talk about it and see if their minds have changed because that happens alot. Let them discover for themselves if it is something that they want to pursue or not. Always keep them in mind.

Anal stimulation

Aside from anal intercourse, the anus can be stimulated with an inanimate object, fingers, and (sorry about this) the mouth. Unless the object used is large, this kind of stimulation is unlikely to cause physical damage. Oral stimulation is clearly a problem, and all other forms of stimulation do pose a cleanliness problem. This form of stimulation is far less dangerous than anal intercourse, but it is not without risks.

Sex Toys

Sex toys cover a broad spectrum of items that are designed to enhance physical pleasure. Because of the variety of items, it’s hard to discuss them as a group. Note: we could include things like lingerie and flavored lubricants in this category and the same considerations apply. We see no scriptural prohibition on toys, nor any way in which toys violate any scriptural guidelines. In general, this is something each couple has to decide for themselves, but we will offer a few things to consider.

Some items may not be safe to use. For example, there are devices known as penis rings which are placed around the base of the penis to improve or maintain an erection. Most of these rings are safe, but a fixed ring that has no release could be very dangerous if it’s too small. It’s also noted by most manufacturers that the rings should not be used for more than 30 minutes at a time. Vacuum devices (used on the penis, the vulva, the clitoris or the breasts/nipples) and anything used to restrain a person also pose potential problems if they are not properly designed and used.

Some items designed to resemble parts of the male or female body are actually “modeled” after a real person, usually an actor or actress from pornographic movies. While it’s not clear that this is a sin to use such a product, most Christians are opposed to it for obvious reasons. If an item is not advertised as being modeled after someone, it’s just a generic sculpture.

If a sex toy is used, it should be as an enhancement, not the center of attention. If it brings the couple closer, and results in one or both of them enjoying sex more, that is good. If it results in either person feeling badly or uncomfortable, that is not good.

The biggest obstacle to sex toys for most Christians may be finding a way to buy them without being exposed to objectionable products and pornography. In Europe, some items are available in respectable shops, but in America many items can only be found in specialized stores that are not “Christian friendly”. Some lingerie shops may have small assortments of toys, but in general, the best choices are mail order and web shopping.

*We are not aware of a mail order company we could feel good about recommending. Additionally, many mail order companies sell their mailing lists, so ordering from a company that sells sexually oriented items could result in you receiving mail for other companies which sell things you don’t even want to know exist!*

Here at Three Passions Lingerie we do NOT sell or give your information to ANYONE!
For more on sex toys, see the Sex Toys article from The Marriage Bed.

Phone Sex

Phone sex is sharing sexual thoughts and fantasies on the phone, and it is often done while masturbating. As long as this is done privately with one’s spouse, we see no reason why it would be wrong, and if a couple must be separated phone sex can be a good way to deal with sexual tensions while remaining somewhat sexually connected. Just be sure you are not being listened in on by co-workers or children on an extension phone!

Thank you to The Marriage Bed for this very informative subjects.

Be sure to check our other articles in this series:

What’s Ok In Our Marriage?

What’s Ok In Our Marriage? Day 2: Manual Sex, Oral Sex, and Menstruation Sex.

Blessings!!

Christina

Three Passions

What’s ok in our marriage?

Reblogged from Three Passions Lingerie Blog:

I had forgotten to repost this to start the series. So here is the first Day then follow this post up with Day 2 to read the first three things that we are going over in the series. I do ask that if you comment on any of these articles in this series that you keep an open mind and do not ridicule others for the things that they feel differently on. We aren’t here to judge but to learn. Many relationships suffer because most people are either afraid of doing things that may be wrong sexually or are afraid …

Here is a post that I blogged about a few months ago but since we are redoing this series I wanted to let everyone know that we are all different and I think it is a good series for us to all get to know. We hope that this series will help you all in your quest for better marriages. If you decide to comment they will be previewed before approved and I just ask that all comments to not be judgemental to one another. And to truly love each other for our differences.
Blessings!
Christina
Three Passions

Whats Ok In Our Marriage? Day 2: Manual Sex, Oral Sex, Menstruation Sex

So as in the last post we mentioned a list of things we will be going over to address things that we may not know is ok or not in our marriages. Today we are going to address the first three that we have on the list, Manual Sex, oral sex, and sex during a menstrual period. As we work down the list there will be days when even though it may sound vulgar but these will be issues that need to be addressed.We hope that in this first set that some questions will be answered or at least help you on your search to find the answers. Also please be advised that there may also include some discussions that some of you may not agree to or like so I caution you to proceed if you are easily offended.

Remember communication is your best bet. Talk with your spouse and be open to their ideas also. God wants us to enjoy our sex lives with each other. Why else would He make it so enjoyable. We all want that connection with our spouse and the way to do that is to be open and communicate what you like, what you don’t like, as well as getting the past behind you. When you talk about things that have hurt you to your spouse things will start to flow eventually. The trick is to always talk about your feelings and yourself instead of criticizing your partner by saying, “You always do this”, or “you never…”. Don’t get stuck in the you, you, you. Keep it to “I feel like I am not listened to.” or ” I feel liked I am not loved when…” And when it comes your time to listen? You truly listen. Repeat what they said exactly, don’t change their words to what you think they are saying, so that feel that you heard what they said. Doing these two things can drastically change the relationship.

Manual Sex

Manual sex is using the hands to sexually stimulate your spouse’s genitals. It can be done as foreplay, or as a way of causing orgasm. Manual sex does not violate any of the principles we have given, and there are even strong hints of it in the Song of Songs. We can see no reason not to use our hands to arouse each other before intercourse or to have an orgasm before, after, or instead of intercourse.

Manual sex can be a good way to deal with seriously mismatched sex drives. While some people think of manual sex as a “juvenile” act of limited pleasure, it’s possible to become very skilled at giving a great deal of pleasure with your hands. Also there are multiple positions that you could also test out to give you or your spouse greater stimulation and/or orgasms during lovemaking. We encourage you to get skilled for your spouse.

Oral Sex

Oral sex is using the mouth to sexually stimulate your spouse’s genitals. Oral can be done as foreplay, or to bring about orgasm. As with manual sex, there are no hints of prohibition in the Bible, and many scholars of the Song of Songs are convinced that several passages describe oral sex being performed on both the man and the woman. (Song of Songs 2:3, the woman performing oral sex on the man, and Song of Songs 4:16 and possibly 8:2 for the man doing it to the woman).

One common concern is cleanliness. In reality the genitals of a healthy man or woman are actually “cleaner” than our mouths. The taste or odor of the genitals may put some off, but often this is more of a mental response than a physical one. In fact, many are aroused by the smell of their partner’s clean genitals.

Some folks have a strong aversion to the idea of oral sex. Often this is the result of some teaching that is less than accurate, or a negative feeling about the genitals or sex in general. Pressuring such a person for oral sex will only result in arguments and hard feelings. On the other hand, there are those who think they are missing one of the best things sex has to offer if they don’t experience oral sex. This is probably due to the influence, directly or indirectly, of pornography. While oral sex can be very enjoyable, it is not the end-all of sexual acts, and there are other ways of producing similar pleasure. Couples who are at odds over oral sex need to give each other some room, and they should each privately examine their feelings about oral sex.

One word of caution medically – blowing into the vagina can be dangerous, particularly if the woman is pregnant.

Sex During Menstruation

The Old Testament law had many rules about “body fluids,” including not having sex during menstruation. Because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, we are no longer under the Law, and we do not have to avoid eating pork, avoid clothes made of two materials, or avoid marital relations during menstruation. Some suggest abstaining from sex during menstruation is a part of the Law we are supposed to still keep, but these same people ignore all the other restrictions given for a menstruating woman; among other things menstruating women were not allowed to cook or share a bed with their husband. There is no biblically valid way to separate the Old Testament instructions regarding menstruation into two categories, so we must either follow all of them or be free from all of them. To go deeper into this, we have a great general teaching on the Law of Moses by Bro. Buddy Martin.

From a medical standpoint, sex during menstruation is not a problem for most couples. There is an increased risk with regard to sexually transmitted diseases, but this should not be a concern for married Christian couples. Apart from such diseases, the menstrual flow is not contaminated or dangerous, and intercourse poses no danger to her or her husband.

In fact, sex during menstruation seems to be beneficial to a woman’s health. Orgasm releases natural painkillers into the blood stream, and the contractions associated with orgasm can help reduce cramping. Additionally, a study done at Yale suggests that regularly having an orgasm during menstruation may reduce the incidence of endometriosis. The current hypothesis is that the uterine contractions of orgasm helps to expel fluid from the uterus, reducing the chances of fluid going the wrong way up the Fallopian tubes and into the body. Additionally, some women find that sex during menstruation speeds up the flow afterwards, shortening the length of their period.

On the downside, there is some evidence that shows a weak link between orgasm during menstruation and very heavy bleeding in the last few years before menopause. However, heavier periods at this time of life are common, and what is not known is if orgasm causes an actual increase in total fluid for the cycle, or if it just causes the fluid to be released more heavily for a shorter period of time. If a woman approaching menopause is having a problem with heavy periods, abstaining from orgasm during her period might help and might not – but it would certainly be worth trying.

Tomorrow we will be going over Anal sex, Anal stimulation, Sex toys, and Phone sex. When all of these articles are finished we will be linking to them directly so these will be easier to find or you can be able to go to the article that you are most interested on.

So we hope this article has helped with some questions in these areas. If you need more questions answered we would certainly do our best to answer them. Email us with any questions you may have.

See you tomorrow!!

Christina

Three Passions

Thank you to The Marriage Bed for so much information for us and others!

Does Your Spouse See Jesus in You?

Sometimes we will get emails or websites that have a great article that we would like to spread the word about.  This article is a great reminder of who we really are and who we need to be when it comes to our spouse. Hope you love this reading as much as we did.

Enjoy!

by Matthew J. White

It’s 5:21 in the morning, and the alarm goes off. I roll over and hit the snooze button in hopes of just nine more minutes of sleep before the day begins. At 5:24, my two-year-old quietly – his version of quietly, anyway – enters the room and approaches the bed. I pretend to still be asleep so he’ll walk to the other side and crawl in with Anne (Failure #1).

Once in bed, Ian, our youngest son, starts in with his two-year-old version of whispering. I roll over and pull the covers tight to subtly tell Anne and Ian to keep it down (Failure #2). After a few minutes in that position, I realize he’s not going to be quiet or lay still – which both of us have asked him to do several times. I groggily slither out of bed and head for the closet to get dressed so I can take Ian downstairs.

When I get downstairs, I pull out some muffins and milk for Ian and then head to the basement to watch whatever is on TV at 5:30 a.m. so I can lie down for a few more minutes. I decide I’ll get Anne’s coffee in a little bit (Failure #3).

In just seven minutes, I’ve failed to show my wife love in the same way Jesus loves me! It may seem harsh to beat myself up like this, right? Wrong! If I was really intentional about loving my wife like Jesus loves me, I would have 1) hopped out of bed to try and catch Ian before he woke Anne; 2) taken him into the closet with me while I got dressed, so not to bother his mom; and 3) started the coffee and made Anne a cup so it was waiting when she got up to get in the shower.

Did you see yourself in my situation? If you don’t have kids or it’s been some time since you were there, you can make up another circumstance. This same mentality, where it’s much easier to do the selfish thing, can creep into every part of your day. But, Jesus has set an example for us to follow. And, the first place he wants us to put this into place is in our marriage. The Bible very specifically compares Christ’s relationship with the church directly to the relationship between husband and wife. And as we examine the characteristics of Jesus, we discover exactly what we must do so our spouse will see Christ in us.

It’s not just about being unselfish. If you really want your spouse to see Jesus in you, you have to genuinely put into practice an attitude of becoming more like Christ in everything you do. This is not a simple, one-time event; it is an everyday struggle. It’s not easy to act like Jesus in every situation. In fact, it’s notably difficult. We live in a world where it’s much easier to do what feels good or take the easy way out. But, becoming more like Jesus involves sacrificial love; it takes a servant’s heart; it means forgiving when it’s not easy to forgive; and it takes a concerted effort toward humility and self-forgetfulness!

Copyright © 2008, Matthew J. White. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

Thank you to Focus On The Family and Matthew J. White for this article

Three Passions Lingerie and Gifts

customerservice@threepassionslingerie.com

What’s ok in our marriage?

I had forgotten to repost this to start the series. So here is the first Day then follow this post up with Day 2 to read the first three things that we are going over in the series. I do ask that if you comment on any of these articles in this series that you keep an open mind and do not ridicule others for the things that they feel differently on. We aren’t here to judge but to learn.

 

Many relationships suffer because most people are either afraid of doing things that may be wrong sexually or are afraid to communicate it to their spouse for fear of being ridiculed or shunned by them.

As you notice the main word in both these statements id FEAR. First things first, lets get one thing straight, FEAR is not of God. It is something that will keep you in bondage and from growing in your relationships, (with God, family, friends, spouse) if it is not dealt with. So before I go any further PLEASE pray about the fear that you have and release it to the Lord and start anew. Now that we have that out of the way lets get started.

When me and my husband weren’t saved there was many things that we had done that would shame the Christian. We were into pornography, considering a threesome, and MUCH comparison with the people that was in the porn. And then when we came to the Lord we truly repented of our sin against Him and then started creating our new life. It was almost an instant transformation in our marriage. But that isn’t to say that there was a new set of problems. We really became obsessed with making sure in every way we were leading a moral life and to us at that time we had really thought very shortsightedly that only certain kinds of lingerie were acceptable, certain positions during sex were acceptable, certain gestures were acceptable, and so on and so on. Eventually our relationship started to suffer because we were so worried about things not being ok that we were no longer having fun and our sex life was nil to none. It really was a growing experience in our marriage. We figured if it wasn’t in the Bible we weren’t gonna do it. But there is a reason why certain things are not in the Bible is because that thing which you may be contemplating in your relationship may just require a mutual consent between you and your spouse. Meaning communication is key! Here is what we learned about what the Bible DOES say:

• We are to abstain from immoral sex. The Bible tells us the following are sin:

1. Galatians 5:19, 1 Corinthians 7:2 & 36 :  Fornication/unmarried sex
2. Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:27:   Adultery
3. Leviticus 18:22 , Romans 1:26-27:   Homosexuality
4. Leviticus 18:23 & 20:15-16:   Bestiality
5. Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17, Proverbs 23:27, 1 Corinthians 6:15-16:   Prostitution
6. Leviticus 18:6:   Incest

• We are to only have sex in marriage;  one man and one woman. (Matthew 19:4-5, 1 Timothy 3:2 & 12)

• We are expected to lovingly meet the legitimate sexual needs and wants of our spouse (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

All these above are all direct biblical commands.

In addition there are requirements set out for us as believers (which we also apply to our roles as husbands and wives), which add the following restrictions:

• Love for our spouse, and respect for the bodies and minds God created, this requires us to avoid anything which can cause problems: (Ephesians 5:29 & 33, 1 Corinthians 6:19)

• • physically
  • medically
  • emotionally
  • mentally
  • spiritually
  • relationally

• We should never push or force our spouse to compromise what they believe. (Romans 14:1 & 14 & 23)

• We should not be controlled by anything. Even God does not control you.(1 Corinthians 6:12 & 10:23)

Anything that doesn’t violate these principles are ok. It’s said that it’s important that our sexual activities benefit our sense of intimacy and oneness as a couple. It’s also important for a couple to have regular intercourse, if they are able to. Science has shown that all sex is not alike, and intercourse has effects on our bodies, minds, and emotions (and we believe our spirits) that no other sex act can match and affects all of us differently. But there are also those who say it’s a sin for a man to ejaculate anywhere other than a woman’s vagina. We find nothing in the Bible which says this, and nothing which seems to even hint this is the case. The only place in the Bible the even says anything on this case is Genesis 38:8-10 which Onan was clearly told to give his brother an heir but since Onan knew that the heir wouldn’t be his own he spilled his seed on the ground and the Lord was displeased because that was between Onan, Judah, and the Lord and nothing is ever spoken about ejaculation being a sin therefore, we see no reason to limit sex or climax to intercourse. However, a couple who avoids intercourse frequently is cheating themselves out of something God intended them to have because God says that sex is a gift.

To help us understand the variety of sex acts possible, and the fact that each couple will engage in a different subset of these sex acts, we like the analogy of a playground; the marriage bed playground. There is a fence around the playground – a fence that separates a couple from sex acts that are dangerous, sinful, or otherwise unacceptable. Inside the fence are a great number of pieces of playground equipment (sex acts) that a couple may enjoy if they so desire. What each couple enjoys varies just as preferences in playground equipment vary. If he gets dizzy and sick on things that spin, the merry-go-round is not a good choice. If she is uncomfortable with heights, that very tall slide is a bad idea. If they both enjoy him pushing her in the swing, but neither is big on her pushing him, that’s just fine. Start with a few things and over time test out others. If something is not enjoyable to either of you, leave it. However, do come back around to things you didn’t like the first time – our tastes change, and some things we didn’t enjoy early on may be a lot more fun years later.

But where is the fence? What is inside the fence, and what is outside? Let’s consider some specific bedroom activities and apply the principles above. Please keep in mind that we are not recommending any of these activities, we are only trying to give couples a framework for deciding which sexual activities will build their marriage, and which may damage it. How you feel about these things will be influenced by personal preferences, past experience, and your understanding of the Word.

Today lets first list the different types of situations and examples that we all have heard of or know of from personal experiences. Then over the next few days I will go in depth on each of these.

Here are the topics we will go into more in depth on as the days pass.

1.  Manual Sex:

Which in our opinion includes many types of positions, for instance: Man on top, woman on top, and “doggie” style or woman on her knees while man enters from behind. Manual sex is pretty much meant that only the two of you are using your own hands and bodies as stimulation with no outside or oral stimulation.

2.  Oral Sex:  

Sexually arousing or stimulating your spouse with the mouth.

3.  Sex During Menstruation:

Having sex while a woman is menstruating or on her period.

4.  Anal Intercourse:

Sex where the penis is inserted into the anus.

5.  Anal Stimulation:

The anus is stimulated with an inanimate object, fingers, and (sorry about this) the mouth.

6.  Sex Toys:

Where a broad spectrum of items that are designed to enhance physical pleasure.

7.  Phone Sex:

Sharing sexual thoughts and fantasies on the phone, and it is often done while masturbating.

8.  “Dirty” Words:

Words you would not otherwise use outside the bedroom to describe organs, body, or the person.

9.  Sexually explicit material:

Sexually explicit material covers a broad spectrum of material not just pornography or erotica. So this topic might be helpful for those that have this question.

10.  Masturbation:

Self pleasuring.

11.  Public Nudity:

While this seems obviously wrong to many, there are those who ask “why?” so we will try to address that question.

12.  Public Sex:

Obviously it’s wrong to have sex where others can see you – but what about where others might see you? We will cover some questions on this issue.

13.  Role Play and Fantasy Play:

This is another area which is difficult because it covers a very wide array of things. There is certainly a difference between fantasizing you and your spouse are making love on the beach of a deserted island, and imagining having an adulterous affair. We hope that this topic will help relieve some questions about dress-up, role-playing, and fantasizing.

14.  Using Photos and Video Cameras:

We are discussing the private use of cameras or video cams. Since there is no prohibition of seeing each other naked, there would seem to be no prohibition of seeing pictures of each other naked. However, there are issues to consider. We will go over this issue more on a later date.

15.  Fetishes:

An individual with a fetish either can’t have sex, or can’t enjoy sex, without engaging in the fetish or fantasizing about it. More on this topic later.

16.  Adult Nursing:

Adult nursing means the husband nurses the wife.

17.  Bondage, Spanking and BDSM:

BDSM means bondage, discipline (or domination), sadomasochism (or slave-master or submission). This is a wide category with unclear boundaries; at “low levels”, playing at these things is fine provided both husband and wife enjoy them. However, all these things can be, or can become, fetishes, and then are wrong for that reason (see above in Fetish). Questions will be answered on this subject.

18.  Watersports and Scat:

Using urination (as opposed to female ejaculation) and defecation as a part of sex.

19.  Erotic Asphyxiation:

Restricting oxygen flow to the brain by choking, otherwise compressing the carotid arteries, or limiting oxygen intake. Yes this happens alot and we wanted it addressed.

So today I hope that we have started to resurface some of the issues that commonly come up when we get married and are always questioning whats ok and not ok. Be sure to check back tomorrow to read the first of our series of whats ok in our marriage in the world view versus Gods view.

Blessings!

Tim and Christina
Three Passions

“Acts Of Service” Love Language Minute Email

I saw this article and thought it would be good to share it since we all seem to do this about 6 months to a year after we get married or engaged. This is an important article for the fact that it encourages you to seek out who your spouse or fiance was before you “fell in love”.

Pray about it and ENJOY!!

Christina

ThreePassions

Get the Facts
Before marriage we are carried along by the emotions of the “in love” obsession. After marriage we revert to being the person we were before we “fell in love.” This reality has implications for the single who is contemplating marriage.

Before you marry, you best find out what your potential spouse was like before the two of you “fell in love.” Ask  parents, siblings,  work associates and friends, but by all means ask questions. Did they have an anger problem? Where they depressed? Were they friendly of selfish? Dependable or irresponsible? Did they have a problem with alcohol or drugs? Get the facts. Don’t let the “in love” experience blind you to the truth.

Request vs. Demand
One of the five love languages is “acts of service”. For some people, this is their primary love language. However, sometimes people make the mistake of demanding “acts of service.” “If you loved me you would help me around the house.” But, true love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges.

With enough criticism your spouse may do what you want, but it will not be an expression of love. You can give guidance to love by making requests: “Would you please mow the grass?” But you cannot create the ‘will’ to love. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love. If ‘acts of service’ is the primary love language of your spouse then ‘mowing the grass’ will be loves loudest voice.

Listen Closely
If your spouse often criticizes you for not “helping them”, they are telling you that ‘acts of service’ is their love language. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love. If you understand this, you might respond more positively to their criticism.

You might say, “It sounds like that is really important to you. Could you explain why it is so crucial?” Initiating such a conversation may eventually turn the criticism into a request rather than a demand. When you hear a criticism, it’s time to listen. Your spouse is giving you valuable information about what would make them feel loved.

Servant or Slave?
Are you a doormat or a lover? A doormat is an inanimate object. You can wipe your feet on it, step on it, kick it around, or whatever you like. It has no will of its own. It can be your slave, but not your lover. When we treat our spouses as objects, we preclude the possibility of love. No person should ever be a doormat. We are called to be servants.

Jesus said about himself, “I did not come to be served, but to serve.” That should be our attitude. “What can I do to help you?” reveals a loving attitude. “You do this or you will regret it.” Is the language of slavery. There is a vast difference between being a servant and being a slave. The servant acts out of love. The slave lives in response to fear.

Learn to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language
Recently a wife said to me, “I’m sending all of my friends to your marriage seminar.” “Really, why?” I asked. “Before the seminar, Bob never helped me with anything. We both had our careers, but it was always my job to do all the house work. After the seminar he started asking me, “What can I do to help you this evening?”

“I’ll have to admit that at first there were trying and humorous times. The first time he did the laundry he used bleach instead of detergent. Our blue towels came out with white polka dots. But eventually he learned. It’s wonderful. And, it’s been going on for three years now.” Why was this wife so happy? Because her husband learned to speak her love language.

Adapted from The 5 Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Related articles

• Which Love Language Suits You and Your Partner? (psychcentral.com)

How Can Lingerie Be Christian?

So we have come up to some questions about the difference between our company and other companies. First of all we honor God before all else in our business. It is funny though because we get different responses and reactions from Christians and non-Christians alike questioning how we are different. For instance when we talk to Christians that have never heard of us or what we are doing the first words out of their mouths is “How does that work?” or they get this weird look on their face that is unsure about the whole thing and be polite and say that’s different and they change the subject.  Others are like “That’s awesome!! It’s about time!!” Then there are the few out there that think that the wife can’t strive to be the Hot and Sexy wife for their husbands as this is a temptation for the husband. More on that later When you read the Song Of Solomon in the Bible that right there tells you that there was fire, passion, love, intimacy, he didn’t describe a cotton nightgown covering her from her neck to her toes, she was adorned in beautiful things specially made for their night together and he was savoring everything the moment they were together. There is nothing wrong with WANTING to feel sexy and hot for your spouse. The best thing is communication and knowing what each other likes and do not like! And HAVE FUN!!

Then the non-Christians think that since we take the models and porn and pics out that we don’t get any business because we have literally taken the “pleasure” out of it. But here’s the thing. We have gotten so many testimonials that we have helped marriages by wives being able to shop for themselves without the comparison and giving their husbands the freedom to shop for their wives without the stumbling blocks that are connected with looking at almost naked women. Men are visual creatures and are aroused naturally by a beautiful woman. Why not take the model out and imagine his wife in it. Women are emotional and sensitive that they are easily caught in the trap that since they do not look a certain way that they won’t look beautiful in that special piece of lingerie that they were looking at. Of course all of these are lies and we are all made in the image of God. So when we say we aren’t beautiful then think of it this way, we are saying that God isn’t beautiful or that God made a mistake. God never makes mistakes and made every one of you juuuuuust right and when He looks at you He always says “it’s good!”

With that I leave you with this prayer:

Lord renew relationships with passion, fire, and new love for one another as they journey together in their marriage. I pray new communication links be opened and they overflow for one another. A new trust for each other to let each other have fun and be open to talk about their fantasies and growth in their love for one another and more passion for each other  in year 50 than they did in year 1. Your will be done Lord, not ours. In your mighty name Jesus,

AMEN!

Christian Nymphos.org

The mission of Christian Nymphos is to teach married women to walk in sexual freedom with their husbands, so they will be able to reach out and help free the women in their lives.

The Christian Nympho Name

We recognize that nymphomania is a legitimate illness for some women and we don’t mean to minimize that in any way. We started referring to ourselves as nymphos long before we started our blog. We saw ourselves as incredibly passionate wives and found wonderful freedom in embracing our sexuality. The definition of a nympho is “a woman with abnormal sexual desires.” Sometimes we do feel abnormal, and while sometimes it is with people who are not Christians it can also be when we are in groups of Christian women. Moms groups. Ladies Bible studies. A night out with our Christian girlfriends. It is not uncommon to hear women speaking negatively about sex. It is also not at all uncommon for us to hear people telling us that our sexual standards are rigid and uptight because we are so firm in our conviction that sex as God intended it is most intensely fulfilled within the marriage covenant. Read more on their site!!

We here at Three Passions Lingerie are grateful for these ladies to put it all out there and teach other women from a Biblical standard that it is ok to be the sexy wife that God intended you to be. It doesn’t matter how you look on the outside but how God sees you on the inside. Sex is a gift from God, not a curse. We should be celebrating it not fearing it.